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Well hello! How are things been loyal readers of Amvarky? I know you guys haven't heard from us in awhile, but we have lives you know so just get over it. Thanks. Anyways, I've decided to post simply because I've had something on my chest for quite some time now. No, it's nothing I should go get checked out (thanks for caring though!), but it is something that needs to be brought to light. This dilemma is The Killers. Yes, the band. I've had a bone to pick with this band since the release of Sam's Town back in 2006. But this week, something so dreadful, so horrendous, so vile surfaced on the internet that made me want to write this blog. That atrocity is The Killers, for lack of better words, shitting out a cover of "Four Winds" by Bright Eyes. I will get to that later,  but I want to take this time to chronicle the shiteous decisions made by a band I once cared for dearly.

I remember how excited I was buying The Killers' first album Hot Fuss over five years ago. "Somebody Told Me" hit right to the core of my fourteen year old soul. I especially remember how excited my fourteen year old body was when the group performed on The OC.

Oh Seth Cohen, I would've enjoyed that concert with you. Sigh.

Anyhow, the album is simply fantastic. It's catchy, it's lovable, it's energetic, it's great. I know every song by heart and can say that I enjoy every song on the album (save "Everything Will Be Alright"). After the release of Hot Fuss, The Killers earned a special part in my heart.

Soon, the boys began working on a new album and what resulted was Sam's Town. Which was.. okay. I had really high hopes for this album and what I got from it was a little bit of disappointment. Don't get me wrong, the album isn't terrible. "When You Were Young" was such a great single and there are a few other catchy songs on the album, but the rest is completely forgettable. This also began the trend of mediocre music videos. Now The Killers weren't music video revolutionaries or anything, but with every new video premiere, crap  happened.

Last year brought the quartet back with their third release Day & Age. This is were things get unfortunate. I remember the first time I heard "Human". Before I heard it, Mark told me that it sounds gay, like literally gay, like something you'd hear in a sweaty gay nightclub. There's nothing wrong with that. I love sweaty gay nightclubs as much as the next heterosexual teenager. When I listened to that song for the first time, I said to myself "what the fuck was that?". Simply. Something was wrong with it. Very wrong. Soon the video premiered and there was something even more with that.

 

There is no concept whatsoever. Mr. Flowers asks us whether we're humans or dancers (I guess we can't be both) while wearing a jacket that has the shoulders lined with bird feathers. The video sporadically cuts to images of valiant animals, such as a bird. Probably the bird whose feathers are now apart of that hideous jacket. He's also jumping on rocky cliffs and I can't help but think of Britney Spears when I watch. In one word the video is a disaster.

Who does it better?


 
Not to sound redundant, but in one word the video is disaster.

The rest of the album is 'eh. I listened to it a few times and it didn't do much of anything for me. The Killers are techno now apparently. A lot can happen overnight I guess. Deciding to sing differently can also be an overnight adjustment too! I can't describe it really. Strangely enough, Brandon Flowers decided to change the way sound comes out of his mouth. It sounds like he's stifling himself from certain notes and isn't allowing his voice to go low enough at the same time. It's weird, I know but I can't help but notice. New voice aside, something did grab me off of Day & Age. The song is "Spaceman" and it happens to be their current single. Wow let me tell you. I LOVE this song. I don't really know what it is. If I could put this song on every mix cd ever I totally would. Seriously. It's so fun and the drums are killer (really Eva?). It's so good I can even ignore the awful line "They say the Nile used to run from East to West". I scoured the internet looking for the validity of this statement and this is the best thing I found. Courtesy of Yahoo! Answers:




Case closed. I guess. Anyways, the song is great. But, I can honestly say the music video is possibly THE worst thing I have ever ever ever ever seen.

WTF.

It left me speechless and left with numerous questions. What is that in the beginning? Who dressed Brandon Flowers? Why does he have a paper plate over his genitalia? Where are the rest of the band members? Why did the director decide to pan out and lose the illusion in the end? Why does he awkwardly sit and clap at that table by himself? Help? If any of you out there can answer these questions, please do. This video is not okay by any means.

Nothing can top it's shiteousness, possibly not even this:
</div>
Please stop scaring me now. Please.

So at that point I was really tired and really frustrated. Then a few days ago the bomb was dropped. Stereogum, who I love dearly, posted about a new Killers ep, which featured the song "Spaceman" as well as a cover song of Bright Eyes', who I also love very dearly. I honestly didn't know what to expect before I heard it. I was really cringing before I hit play because the song they chose to cover, "Four Winds", is one of my favorite Bright Eyes songs ever. I finally mustered up the courage and pressed play. First, it starts with some synth that doesn't even resemble the original tune. Next, comes in Brandon Flowers new-found voice, which is fine and all but it's severely lacking. His voice fails to capture any of the emotion that Conor Oberst places into the original. It's even quite humorous at times, when Flowers tries to raise his voice and project what he thinks is raw emotion. I can understand if you want to put your own spin on something and make it your own, but don't make it sound like this. Take a listen for yourself.

Mmm I can hear this booming out of an H&M....


The original.





Am I the only one who feels this way? Please, tell me if you're out there. I'm drained. I really don't have anywhere to turn. I just simply want the old Killers back.




The Moment Is Here.

Many of you out there have heard about the Beach Boys' b-side entitled "Beach Boner", well here are the lyrics in its entirety. Enjoy!

Going to the beach gonna have a good time
(beach boner, beach beach boner)
Gonna soak up the sun gonna flirt with a guy
(beach boner, beach beach boner)
There's a hottie nearby and i'm hopin' he's bi
(beach boner, beach beach boner)
My trunks are getting tight and I don't know why
(beach boner, beach beach boner)

Because I just got hit with a real beach boner
The feeling's so strong that it's taking over
I don’t wanna seem like an out of it stoner

But I’d really like you to play with my..
BEACH BONER! BEACH BEACH BONER!

Want to put my hands on his, hot sandy shaft
(beach boner, beach beach boner)
As he walks up I feel like blowing his ass
(beach boner, beach beach boner)
he makes me so thirsty for a big tall glass
(beach boner, beach beach boner)
a glass of the juice that squirts out fast
(beach boner, beach beach boner)

Because I just got hit with a real beach boner
The feeling's so strong that it's taking over
I don’t wanna seem like an out of it stoner

But I’d really like you to play with my..
BEACH BONER! BEACH BEACH BONER!

-DRUM SOLO!!-

Because I just got hit with a real beach boner
The feelings so strong that it's taking over
I don’t wanna seem like an out of it stoner

But I’d really like you to play with my..
BEACH BONER! BEACH BEACH BONER!

I jumped off the raft and I went his way
(beach boner, beach beach boner)
But when I got there, I way too late
(beach boner, beach beach boner)
He ran away, to get some smelly va jay jay
(beach boner, beach beach boner)

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Next time I should stay with a full out gay!

BEACH BONER!



AT THE KIRBIEZ

I AM HERE WITH THE KIRBIEZ. IT'S A BABY KIRBY BIRTHDAY BONANZA.  PARTY PARTY!  smells like taco butt though.

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